


Stanuary 2020: Week One: Burn

by cuppydogcity



Series: Stanuary 2020 [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Stanuary 2020, cooking mishaps, stanley is not a very good cook but he does try.. barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22097059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuppydogcity/pseuds/cuppydogcity
Summary: Stan realizes that he should probably prepare for two kids to stay with him all summer. He decides to learn how to cook!This goes about as well as you'd expect.
Series: Stanuary 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590484
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15
Collections: Stanuary





	Stanuary 2020: Week One: Burn

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! i decided i'd do stanuary 2020! "burn" has a lot of potential for angst, which i am not good at, so i decided to go down the most wholesome route i could think of; cooking!  
> any comments/kudos are strongly appreciated! thank u!! :D

It was about three days after Stan agreed with Alex and Winona Pines that their kids would be sent up to him for the summer, that he started to realize how potentially dangerous his house could be for kids.

Wendy and Soos didn’t come into the house portion of the shack often (save for the occasional times Soos gets stuck between the pipes in his break room and has to spend the night there), so it’s not like he ever needed to clean up all the nails, screws, broken glass, and animal bones.  
If he were honest, Stan thought it gave the house charm, really lightened up the place, y’know?

It was only after the third time he’d been prescribed the tetanus shot for stepping on loose thumbtacks that he decided he should probably clean up, just a little.  
He called Wendy and Soos in for a meeting, saying that he needs their help moving all of the boxes of merchandise into the storage room (for no extra pay, of course).

Stan wiped the sweat from his brow (not that he’d taken part, it was just really hot in the tv room), and watched Duck-tective, pointedly ignoring Wendy, while he waits for the pizza he’d ordered with copious coupons to arrive.  
He grumbled to himself, something about “Honestly, pizza prices these days were outrageous! You expect him to spend ten of his hard-earned dollars on something Soos’d eat in a minute?” before he pauses.

That.. was a good point.  
S’not like he could feed two kids on just pizza for a whole summer, right? It’d bleed him dry! (Plus he had the feeling Alex and Winona’d kill him if he tried. Something about ‘kids need proper nutrition’ or ‘you’re going to single-handedly bring about the return of rickets’.)

Stanley Pines, in that moment, made a vow. When he wakes up tomorrow, he’s gonna learn how to cook proper meals!

“Mr Pines, dude.. What are you doing?”  
Wendy is staring at him from the doorway. He realizes he’s striking a heroic pose.

“Nothin’.” He coughs. “The pizza’s here, move.”

It is not here. Wendy doesn’t say anything.

Stan stood on the porch for a solid ten minutes.  
~~~

“So, Wendy, Soos. You two know anything about cookin’?” Stanley nonchalantly starts after the pizza had arrived, sipping his Pitt Cola. He figures they’re his best bet; didn’t wanna embarrass himself in front of Lazy Susan.

“Nah, dude. Abuelita knows like, everything there is to know about food, though. She makes like, these tiny dinosaur cookies, and they have sprinkles baked INTO the cookie. She’s basically the goddess of cooking.”

Oho, now that was a start. He made plans with Soos to visit the next day (maybe accidentally given him hope that Stan would marry Abuelita, who knows), and set his expectations for himself WAY high. Sure, the last thing he cooked was in 1994, but whatever. He’d nail it first try!

~~~

He barely left Soos’ house alive. The cookies were.. inedible. He had to eat all of them to save face. 

And, yeesh, he was gonna develop welts with how much his hand was smacked away from eating ingredients! In any case, they were bruised for sure. That lady sure could pack a surprising amount of strength for a woman so kindly-looking… Makes him wonder about Soos himself, almost.

Stan returns home, his ego only partially bruised.

He immediately sheds his clothes, and starts to prepare ingredients to make his specialty; Stancakes.

He sneezes into the batter, but pretends like he didn’t see it.  
Shit, did he add the sugar already..? Whatever, kids eat too much of it these days anyway.  
He mixes it together with a teaspoon (whisks are for suckers and he’s not gonna give diddly squat to some lady named Delia Crocker. Her mocking smirk haunts him.), and.. Wow, that’s uh… lumpy.

He shrugs, and pours it into his hardly-greased cast iron pan. It starts sizzling, so he assumes it’s probably fine, and turns around to make some coffee. Soos’ abuelita was only available for cooking lessons from the hours of 4-6 AM, so he’s wiped. Maybe, he thinks as he sits down, it wouldn’t hurt to close his eyes for a second…

He wakes up to smoke. Good thing he’d taken all the batteries out of his smoke alarm; those things were as annoying as hell, and this proves his theory that they’re unnecessary.

He stands up, and looks at the source. A single lump of charcoal in the pan, what the... ?  
Oh, it was the stancake. Emphasis on the was.

He grimaces, and tosses it into the trash.  
It melts the trash (damn cheap plastic), so he just decides to chuck it into the bottomless pit next time he goes outside. Nobody must know.

He’s still got like, a week until the kids get here, he’s got time.  
...He hopes.


End file.
